As always I have to deal with the aftermath of my adventure. Something I usually keep hidden from other fans. This time I'm unable to talk for 4 months because I twice tried to call out to Gerry. Every conversation is a struggle and painful. I hate getting phone calls. I'm forced to take the drugs I hate so much. That’s why I focus on resting as soon as I get home. I posted a small message that I hadn’t been able to meet Gerry. That he doesn’t see all wheelies as I had been told. My message was innocent to me but how could I? I had forgotten the number 1 rule. THOU SHALL NEVER SPEAK EVIL OF GERRY!!!! Anything that could stain his God status is bad and not having been able to meet him was very bad. I was damned to hell for that remark. The wrath of the good fans was unleashed. For days there were deliberate stabs at the top of the forum about my bad behavior. I chose to ignore the negative personal attacks but friends and family were worried about the disrespect towards me. I finally chose to put an end to it. I posted a 2 sentence reply to an insensitive forum member who told me previously I should “cancel your hotel out of respect to Gerry”. That’s what the "good" fans were waiting for. I got pages of insults from "good" fans. From what I witnessed since then I probably would have gotten attacked or insulted even if I had met him. “You don’t deserve to meet Gerry”. Telling me it was Vanessa’s fault. The remark that I should have told Vanessa to get lost still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I immediately wonder how Gerry would have reacted if he had seen me rudely blow off a co-star he greatly respects. I would never treat an older lady like that and I knew Gerry has the same respect for Vanessa. I think I would have seen insulted furious Gerry. I didn't get my Gerry moment in Berlin but to me it was a good adventure and I would just try it again …… until the constant battering ruined it for me. I had to be depressed about not meeting him and they wouldn’t stop until I felt that way.
Since then I’ve seen fans being “punished” if they have a longer conversation with him or if fans don't share every detail of personal moments they have shared with Gerry. I've a heard a fan was excommunicated because Gerry paid more attention to her. It's always the fans screaming their heads off at his premieres and tv appearance who alienate fans who will never get an opportunity to meet him. Their views of disrespect to Gerry are always hypocritical. Last year I was shocked to see how a new fan joining the forum was "kindly" told to bugger off if she wasn’t exclusively a Gerry fan. I had just read the facebook page of this self-proclaiming good fan delivering the unwelcoming whipping. She had posted her list of men she actively follows around the globe.
The list goes on and on. There are sooooo many examples of rude insensitive behavior, all in honor of Gerry. Good fans claim they do this out of respect for Gerry. They always feel Gerry may read comments of the supposed bad fan. Sometimes I wish Gerry would really read this and see how bad his good fans behave. He doesn't have time to read this crap, nor does he care!
"Good" fans are trying to change Dianne's forum according to the GALS bible. Would Gerry be proud of that? I think not, Gerry prefers lots of fans flocking to see his movies instead of only the few “good” fans that meet a ridiculous standard. Dianne and her team have always done a fantastic job keeping the pleasant vibe but things slip through the cracks of world zones and real life issues. It doesn't help that the forum grows incredibly fast. It's commendable that Dianne fights to keep it a forum for the fans!
Luckily the normal fans provide lots of fun with their posts and I have learned a thing or two in the process. I never knew camels and their toes could be so hysterically funny. I still crack up laughing about those conversations. I saw an alligator with babies in the wild but I will never be able to look at another alligator again without thinking about certain forum members and smiling. Language confusion between fans from all over the world can be extremely funny too. As long as fans don't take their fandom too seriously the posts are fun to read and you bond with those fans. The goofiness spreads way beyond Gerry and his career.
Early 2011 I started noticing changes, lots of fans were leaving. Fans will always come and go but something felt very wrong. Gerry has a very stable fanbase but something is rotten in Gerryland. I'm not the only one who noticed. I like to laugh and I regularly do my best to spread laughs on forums. Humor is rather culture sensitive, it doesn't always translate well. I posted this photo to help fans laugh a little but to me it also has a more deeper meaning. Gerry isn't an island. It's not him and his fans but it's much more complicated. Every actor is only the face, the outer shell of a Hollyweird factory producing product Gerard Butler. To me it's not Hollywood but Hollyweird because there's a lot going on behind the scenes, obscured from the public eye. If you follow Hollywood's history a little you know why so much is hidden. The movie industry is a shady world. Audiences and fans are being manipulated. There's a large invisible side to Gerry ........... the reasons for the changes are more complicated than just looking at the fans.
I think there’s a lot of justified malcontent among the fanbase. The "good" fans with their rules and regulations are clearly favored for premieres and perks. I should say they are the only ones favored. It’s a well-known fact. While Gerry repeatedly ignored me in Berlin, he said hi just as many times to his GALS fans standing a few steps from me. They are pointed out by his PR person. To him I'm just an anonymous face in the crowd, while they are his real fans. I've seen tons of videos of the favoritism. As his fanbase changes Gerry and his team never seem to adapt to the changes. I think that's one reason he's losing fans. The motherships are dying, their forums are (virtually) dead. There are large active fan groups in Europe and the US which have been around for a long time. They never get any attention from Gerry's PR crew for all their work. Every webmistress who has put tons of work in their fan groups complain there's no interest from Gerry's team. Everybody knows Gerry's PR team only contact GALS. Besides that the focus is on the right US fans alone. Other fans are ignored ........ I am ignored!
This photo to me says it all ..... CREDIBILITY ...... I think Gerry looks awful in this photo. He's not given much credit for his acting capabilities and the persistant negative press is ridiculous. Machine Gun Preacher was a movie with heart and soul. The editing wasn’t perfect and other things could have been better but it was a good release, among a lot of shit that Hollyweird puts out each year. This really decent movie was literally thrown under the bus by his friend Ryan Kavanaugh. Why? Ryan gave an interview that premiering a movie wasn’t important anymore. He already made his money before any movie hits a theater. Don't ever walk in front of my wheels Ryan! Coriolanus, Machine Gun Preacher, 300 and my favorite Dear Frankie prove to me what Gerry is capable of. His talent is too often wasted, his career credibility constantly under scrutiny.
I’ve seen a change in Gerry since he was filming Machine Gun Preacher. It hasn’t gone unnoticed and many of Gerry's fans had concerns about his wellbeing, long before he checked himself into rehab. Gerry was worried about his image but his fans were proud of him for seeking the help he needed. There are too many sad examples of people not strong enough to get help. Still, there seems to be too many contradictions in his life. He says one thing in an interview, and then does the total opposite in real life. I'm not alone in feeling I’ve been lied to. Gerry's PR is no longer working. Not for (longtime) fans and not for movie goers.
There's no way to escape mentioning the choices he makes in his personal life. If the press doesn't bring it up, Gerry will. Especially talking about his willy or sex always seems to be his favorite topic. Sir Hump a Lot never fails to live up to his image. Gerry's frat boy mentality is wearing thin on many. In the end it's Gerry himself who's clearly his worst PR. Gerry is royalty to his (longtime) fans but nobody, not even his good fans, believe his comments about not being the womanizer the press claims him to be. When even his biggest fans say they finally realize what a sleeze bag he has been all along that's a huge sign on the wall .......... hell has frozen over! I'm not even going to mention his comments at the Nobel Peace Prize press conference, which were posted by a reporter and disappeared right before my eyes. However he really hit the jackass jackpot arriving at the Vanity Fair 2013 party with his girlfriend. She's been with him for nearly a year but when asked who she was Gerry answered: " I don't know her name. I just picked her up off the street". Gerry what were you thinking? In Charlie Sheen's universe it's good PR to be seen with a bimbo. We Dutch love a crude joke but that's insulting to your girlfriend and makes you look like an asshole. As much as I thought I had gotten a sense of the kind of human being Gerry is, I now have a feeling I don’t know the real Gerry. I'm not sure I ever knew him. I'm not sure I want to know him.
On a more personal note, fandom to me is an escape from my daily problems, from my pain. My memories of meeting several stars being the best painkiller of all. Gerry is sadly losing his painkiller quality to me for many reasons. Looking back there’s one word that sums it all up DISAPPOINTMENT
Seeing Gerry in Coriolanus was the first time I saw him on a huge screen in a theater. I couldn’t wait to see Machine Gun Preacher in a Dutch theater. Commercials were shown on tv. Promotion was done in the regular movie programs. The premiere was announced, rescheduled, rescheduled again ………… and then the movie never showed up in theaters. I was very disappointed. Outside the US it's difficult to see his movies or go to a premiere. There are plenty of opportunities for US fans but the small letters always says only open to US citizens.
I’ve tried for years to have a happy Gerry adventure. I’ve put a lot of work into it. Wheelchair accessibility is my biggest issue and it was my first goal to try and solve. I tried repeatedly to attend several premieres ..... Machine Gun Preacher, Chasing Mavericks, Playing for Keeps. I contacted many film distributors, theaters, producers, other people etc. to find out if there was a designated safe spot outside the premiere theater for fans in wheelchairs. The question seems simple but to organizers it rarely is. Wheelies are never thought of and everybody, fans included, assume it shouldn’t be a problem. To me it’s like climbing Mount Everest. Doable but it needs to be properly planned to avoid serious issues. I would have been happy with organizers just keeping in mind that I would be there. Multiple times I found out the good fans had contacted the same people too. They got a response, tickets, access, while I didn’t even get a reply. Was I asking too much? No, I never ever asked to meet Gerry! I only explained about my accessibility issues and asked when and where a premiere would be. I only asked to get another chance standing outside in the crowd but in a SAFE SPOT. They want lots of fans on a premiere for PR purposes. Just no disabled fans and only fans from the right forums who then gladly blab how special they are to Gerry.
I planned to go to Berlin where they would be shooting Motor City. How I would love to see a movie set!!! I had my little adventure planned out. In Berlin they do tours of movie sets. The movie shoot was moved to Atlanta and then canceled. More disappointment. I went back to trying to go to a premiere. I got one honest response which said they had no clue if anything was arranged for disabled fans. I like honest responses. They are respectful compared to no response because they are dumbfounded about my question. That premiere was cancelled, more disappointment. The barrier task is handed to a company and there’s always somebody in charge who knows. The trick is finding that person and then hearing “oh why did nobody tell you, we always provide wheelies with information”. The information is out there but nobody knows about it. Something I struggle with way too often. I finally got a useful answer from a theater to contact a London county about the barrier arrangements. They were very helpful and would have provided assistance for the London premiere of Playing for Keeps. “Please contact the film distributor for a date and venue. We will help you for a safe spot”. Yes, this was my chance ………………. no it wasn’t. No matter how much I beg to be treated like a human being the film distributers don’t care. I’m not worthy of a response. I found out too late that there was going to be a premiere. Not enough time to get my medication traveling papers approved. It needs to be requested and signed by the government. It’s why I need to know weeks ahead to be able to make the arrangements. Disappointment upon disappointment.
Sadly I’ve reached the point where I no longer want to see Gerry in person. Trying to have another Gerry adventure is sucking the life out of my quality of life. I’m a fighter but enough is enough. Photos of Gerry with fans keep pouring in. It's been frustrating and painful. Why not me? In all that time I’ve spotted one wheelie. Gerry promised to send him an autograph ...................
....... I truly hope he did because I feel like I'm right back where I started when I joined. Is Gerry even nice? I'm none the wiser. Hearing Gerry say people wouldn't like the real Gerry doesn't create faith in him as a human being either. Gerry seems so approachable but he’s unreachable to this wheelie. I’m afraid going to a premiere would just be another disappointment in some way. Especially since he's sometimes described as rude, arrogant and obnoxious. Usually by non-fans, people who have to serve him at their job: stores, restaurants and clubs. Nobody is perfect but I get the feeling he loves to be bad.
Would Gerry be able to live up to my best memories with some of the Lord of the Rings stars? Personnel may move me out of the way or security will throw me out, as they did several times in the past. Somebody will always see a wheelchair instead of the person in it and remove the problem. Will Gerry look at me that way? Will another clueless fan thoughtlessly hurt my feelings as a human being again and disrespect me in order to “respect” a "star"? I've come to the conclusion premieres are simply hell for a wheelie.
A friend said it best: GERRY DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! I will leave him to his good fans who no doubt will be there to meet him, again and again. Stroking his ego, telling him he's fantastic until his star light dims. Whether they are truthful doesn’t matter to either of them. I will never sell my soul to GALS in order to be considered a real fan to Gerry. I never contacted or wanted anything to do with GALS. They didn't know me at all, but they accused me of lying about my disability and said they would never help me.
I've never been the kind of fan to put an actor on a pedestal. I like to see the human side of actors I admire, not their fake PR image. I'm looking for a good painkiller memory but I won't lie to them. Throughout their whole career, celebrities will be lied to way too often.
I love to watch movies and occasionally meet an actor whose work I admire. Touching their life for just a moment in time. I cherish those memories but I guess I'll just be waiting for another movie that does justice to Gerry's skills and nothing else. Luckily my brother Mike wants to see Olympus has Fallen. Wheelchair accessible theaters have all gone from the area where we live. It takes some traveling to get to a suitable theater. I'm sure Gerry will end up in the convention circuit some day, to make a quick buck. Just as David Carradine sitting there in his Kill Bill sneakers, seeing all the fans pass by. Nobody wanted to pay for his autograph after he behaved like a Hollyweird diva at the Q&A, insulting fans. He winked at me repeatedly but I zoomed by as fast as possible. YUCK!
I’m proud to be a bad Gerry fan because it makes me a better human being. I'm not capable of lowering myself to fit the good fan model. I don’t see life through pink glasses but I try to LIVE LIFE!!
Ironically No one would listen is my favorite song from Phantom of the Opera!